Beyond the Music: Building Community in our Musical Ensembles, Part VI
Praise in Public, Correct in Private
1) Catch people being good.
2) Praise in Public
3) Correct in Private
4) The importance of consequences and our follow through
In our relationships with our choristers, we will improve the community in our ensembles if members believe they can trust us to treat them well. This seems so simple, but it isn’t. If someone performs poorly, our response can make them feel encouraged, condemned, empowered or worthless. If building community in our choral ensembles is a priority, we must go Beyond the Music to consider the relationships we have with our singers.
In a nutshell, our praise of individual singers and their performances should be in public and any necessary correction should be in private.
We should never be stingy with deserved recognition of work well done. We encourage singers to pursue our priorities (priorities that should be in the interest of all of the members) when we draw attention to something that is well done. This can be as simple as saying, ‘Altos, your tone was lovely on that phrase’ to pausing in the final moments of a rehearsal (when whatever we do will be the thing everyone remembers) to recognize someone’s debate victory. When we publically acknowledge the accomplishments of individuals, we are passively encouraging others (who desire our affirmation and praise) to make choices that lead to similar results. Singers crave our attention and approval and when they get this attention in a space that is shared by all, the result is positive for the group and the individual. Remember, public affirmation is the end, not the means. We want to encourage our singers so we do. The positive outcomes for group dynamics are welcome, but we shouldn’t praise to manipulate outcomes. Be careful of going over the top or being disingenuous. Like any inauthentic behavior it will backfire.
Reprimands should be in private whenever possible. Sometimes, individuals need a mid-course correction. Sometimes, and without impugning their motives, we need to let an individual know that their behavior is not consistent with the environment of affirming community that we’re creating together in the choir. These conversations almost never end well when they take place in class. First, students often will feel attacked or misunderstood. These feelings can result in belligerence, talking back, outbursts and in extreme cases even violence. When a student feels attacked, the fight or flight mechanism kicks in and public confrontation, however well intended, can feel like an attack. By gaining some distance from the situation and making the conversation private, we reduce tension for all. By taking peers out of the picture, younger singers will be more able to make good decisions.
So, how do we have these necessary but uncomfortable conversations? Pull a challenging student out of class and have a one on one during a prep period or schedule a meeting out of the normal rehearsal schedule. Without becoming emotional, identify the behavior that isn’t appropriate and explain why you need it to change for the good of all. Ask for their cooperation. If you receive their verbal cooperation, thank them and affirm your belief that the problem behavior will not reemerge.
In the event that the behavior does not change (perhaps requiring another meeting) or the singer is uncooperative, we need to be ready to put steps in place that identify specific reasonable consequences and the accountability steps that will be taken. If either of these is missing, reasonable consequences or our follow through, we will dramatically undermine our effectiveness in these challenging situations. On the other hand, if we make our reasonable expectations clear and consistently follow through if and when expectations are not met, word gets around quickly that we are firm but fair. This is important for building an environment of trust and mutual respect, and will reduce the necessity for these private conversations in the future.
A final thought on public praise and private corrections; this principle, if kept firmly in mind, will help us navigate the high emotions that prevail when students make bad decisions. When we are upset or excited, we are more likely to make decisions that are not in the best interest of our choirs. When we remember to stop and reflect on poor student choices, avoiding confrontations, we are purposefully choosing to build up the individuals in our choirs by going Beyond the Music.
